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Epilogue-Pictures
Crystal
Entertainment
Elijah
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Wednesday, February 25, 2004
01:16 p.m.
I figured I would update, since I wont be on for awhile. Umm, yea, during a bad day, a teacher overheard me saying I was going to "kill myself" and today the counsler called me down. Well, she called my parents, and with the fiasco I went through last year, I'm not particularly happy that she did. I'm really scared right now...But, yea...life sucks...
Friday, February 20, 2004
08:57 a.m.
Curretnly, I'm in Bio. Very bored, and doing what I'm not supposed to be doing ^^. I think Jon hates me, or thinks I'm a stalker...Ger-ate and hey, life sucks. I have two reporst that I have to finish...I just finished my Bio paper on Rachel Carson, and now asm currently siting here, wallowing in my own loneliness. Shoot me now! I got over the whole aniversary thing, thanks to Sierra...I'll probably put the convo on here later. Last night I hung out with Jenni and Missy when I was supposed to be a * cough cough* speech. The best thing about *cough cough* speech and regular speech is that I don't go to *cough cough* speech. The bells about to ring...Yay! Have a loevly day, cause I know mine sure as hell sucks...
Tuesday, February 17, 2004
06:09 p.m.
Today was going to perfect. I should have known that fate was trying to aid me in the acceptence of what today is. I didn't even realize it until Megan said "Hey, today is the eighth grade orentation...We should go find Chris!" A year...An entire agonizing year. He caused me so much happiness, and so much pain. I want him to die. Everytime I see him, all the pain that he put me through comes back to haunt me. His name makes me want to cry. He didn't even realize the entire time I cryed over him, that everytime I saw him it brought tears to my eyes. I have to go...I have to clean up before dinner...my eye-liner is running...
Friday, February 13, 2004
11:12 p.m.
Tomarrow is V-day...Yay! KILL ME, SHOOT ME NOW, DEAR GOD, END THE PAIN, IMPALE MY HEAD WITH A SHOVEL! *Ahem* Yes, anyways. Every V-day, I get depressed. Last year, I had a boyfriend...and guess what? I got depressed! I think it was because more then anything, I wanted the perfect V-day...which to me is basically a single red rose. Still...haven't...gotten...ONE! I mean, I would melt if any guy would give me a rose. And they only cost, what, a dollar at 7-eleven? Peachy. Well, tomarrow is pep band also. I'm going very anti-valntines day. Its my new holiday! We're supposed to decorate our instruments all "red" and "romantic". Fuck that! Its going all black baby! I have a pink shirt that says "I Love You Not" and I'm wearing my cat ears. ^_^ Also black eyeliner and tattos on my hands that say "I'm in love, but its only temporary" which is a line from a Sugarcult song. So yes, Happy Anti-Valentines Day to you all! Fuck men, Fuck Realationships, and best of all FUCK LOVE!
Wednesday, February 11, 2004
10:23 p.m.
My convo with Nicole...
Me: It just makes me sad, because I liked him alot...I mean...I dont even know what I mean, its just, I guess I feel used, and a part of me wants to just let him use me
Nicole: Guys are assholes, maybe he's just confused about it, or something...
Me: Then the other part reminds my of what a nice guy he is
Me: He has like a duel persona, and its making me mad
Nicole: Just 'cause he's a nice guy doesn't mean he won't act like an ass every so often
Me: True...And another part of thinks its my fault because I didn't act like myself around him
Nicole: I think you are lonely and want a boyfriend and that's why part of you wants to just get used
Nicole: Didn't act like yourself?
Me: No...I stayed quiet cause I didn't want to make a fool of myself, but I ended up making a bigger fool of myself then need be
Nicole: Sometimes you need to take risks
Me: I know, and I see that...NOW...Maybe I'm just dumb
Nicole: nah
Nicole: You aren't dumb
Nicole: You're just a confused teenage girl like most people your age
Me: I hate most people my age...I hate myself ::Kicks self::
Nicole: Don't kick yourself, that won't solve anything
Me: What about implaing my brain with a shoval
Me: *Shovel
Nicole: It'll just leave a bruise and you'll have one more bad thing in your life
Me: Bah ::Listens to music:: I love this song...
Pretty Girl
By Sugarcult
Pretty girl is suffering,
while he confesses everything
Pretty soon she'll figure out what his intentions were about
That's what you get for falling again
You can never get 'em out of your head
It's the way
That he makes you feel
It's the way
That he kisses you
It's the way
That he makes you fall in love
She's beautiful as usual with bruises on her ego and
Her killer instinct tells her to beware of evil men
And that's what you get for falling again
You can never get 'em out of your head
And that's what you get for falling again
You can never get 'em out of your head
It's the way
That he makes you feel
It's the way
That he kisses you
It's the way
That he makes you fall in love
It's the way
That he makes you feel
It's the way
That he kisses you
It's the way
That he makes you fall in love
Love
Pretty girl, pretty girl
Pretty girl is suffering, while he confesses everything
Pretty soon she'll figure out
You can never get 'em out of your head
It's the way
That he makes you cry
It's the way
That he in your mind
It's the way
That he makes you fall in love
It's the way
That he makes you feel
It's the way
That he kisses you
It's the way
That he makes you fall in love
Love
And I'm done for my sad post...
Thursday, February 5, 2004
08:40 p.m.
::Falls over:: Wee! Life is good. I won't go into details, but tomarrow, I will (hopefully) be spending the night at Sierra's...and we can party! Well, I'm off to listen to Pretty Girl...Have you listened to it yet? If not, come on people! He he, umm...Byes!
Monday, February 2, 2004
08:47 p.m.
Have you ever heard the song Pretty Girl by Sugarcult? If not, shame on you! Listen to it...Hear the lyrics "It's the way that he kisses you"? I love that verse. I really really like someone. I think he likes me...I'm not sure, but I really like him. I dunno...I've never felt this strongly for someone, and then have it be returned...Its a new idea, and I'm really afraid he won't like me and I'll get hurt. Or maybe I'm just dumb...Who knows...
Monday, January 12, 2004
08:31 p.m.
Its been awhile...Well, for starters, Pixies IS a loveless loser and plans on staying that way until she finds actual love. Ummm...Lets see, I skipped speech today to go DDRing with Shay, Hobbit, Chris, Nick, Jill, CJ, Amy, and Ty. It was fun...After Amy, Shay and Hobbit left, I went to Arbys with the rest of the crew. ::Giggles:: Ty...Anime hard-ons! JK, thats a n inside joke you dont want me to explain. At the moment, I'm sick with a fever. Hopfully I'll make it to Pep tomarrow. ::Falls over:: Umm...nothing else new...POKI! Heh, another inside joke.
Tuesday, December 30, 2003
08:16 p.m.
^_^ Life is good...very, very good! Grant's a mere memory...not even a memory...who's Grant? Heh. I spent the night at Sierras, whos now dating Matt. (Not Filio, the bastard who hurt Callie...Matt...Uhh...description-The guy now dating Sierra?...Yea, that'll work for now) We watched movies and..stuff. It was rather fun. Guess what? Pixie's not a loveless loser anymore ^_^ Hell ya! And he's majorly sweet! He he he...So yes...Life is indeed good! Umm...Lets see...more updates...Carolyn can't find Goshen! (I'm not going to try to explain...Just knows shes a moron) La la la...Jakes an ass...Micheal too. Weee! Tomarrow I'm going to Eliza's birthday party. Were going to see LOTR and (hopefully) dress-up. I'm going to be a hobbit! He he...I am the right height. I hope my body is up to it though. I dunno...last night, when I got back from Sierra's, I was bored, so I took a shower. When I got out, the room was spinning, and I sat down...lost conciousness. Then this morning, I felt sick and started puking. Maybe it's because I haven't eaten in about a week? Ehh...who cares. But my times up...Later!
Wednesday, December 24, 2003
07:26 p.m.
Life is going pretty good. Jake was told some crap that I was going around say "We almost dated and we were all over each other." Which is a bunch of bull shit, because I don't lie about things like that. At that moment in time, I was upset, but I'm better. I honestly don't care. I want out of the entire group. Kyle, Mike, Jake can all kiss my ass and go to hell. I'm going to get out of the group. I think Sierra might want to to, but I make no assumtions. It's been so long since me and her have just gotten together and talked. I spent the night at Eliza's...Had a really good time. Umm...More updates...Ooo! I saw LOTR!! Wee!! I love Elijah ^_^ But, heh, I'm begininng to have a thing for Ents. Let me explain. When Callie and I went, there were people that dressed up like LOTR, at first, I was jealous...If I would have known, I would have dressed up! There was an Ent there...Stood like 9 feet tall with the costume on. With the costume off, he was pretty cute, but I knew I recognized him from somewhere. Callie did to, and we figured out that it was the guy who worked at the Daily Grind! Well, Eliza, Shay and I went the next day and he was working. It was great. Well, I have to go. I'm going to get some sleep before I'm forced to go to midnight mass. Bleh, stupid church...
Friday, December 12, 2003
08:18 p.m.
I've decided to entertain myself with quizes. Currently, I am sick, and may not get to go to Spec. Anyways...here's the quizes...
-Perfect- You're the perfect girlfriend. Which
means you're rare or that you cheated :P You're
the kind of chick that can hang out with your
boyfriend's friends and be silly. You don't
care about presents or about going to fancy
placed. Hell, just hang out. You're just happy
being around your boyfriend.
What Kind of Girlfriend Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla
((Obviously, the "cheated one isn't true...after all...I have no one to cheat on! Besides the fact I think its morally wrong.)) Rhiakath is your Vampire name.
You are an image of the Vampire Lestat. You love
yourself, and rightly so, because you are
clever, witty, sexy, and very cunning.
To use your new Vampire name and become a Vampire,
go here:
www.life-blood.vze.com
What is your Vampire name?
brought to you by Quizilla
Thursday, December 11, 2003
09:38 p.m.
I haven't updated in awhile...heres the skinny. I'm grounded for awhile. Cori, Callie and I snuck out and got caught. Grant never got the e-mail, and I went to Chrismas dance with Kelly and Kathy. I'm devealoping a thing for Kathy's ex, and I'm on the verge of getting over Grant. Basically, I think I need a boyfriend or something like it, and I'll feel...Like I actually have a heart instead of empty. So I silently cry out in lonliness, hopefully someone will hear me. Other then that, Jake is transferring to Concord (::Dances:: I'm so happy!!) And Matt's still using Callie. I'm going to bitch him out, I swear. Recently, Chrismas Spec is approaching, and with that and Speech, I've been really stressed out. I play and Angel in the manger scene. There...I think your all updated...Here are some fun entertaining quzzies to keep you entertained...
You are naturally born with a gift, whether it be
poetry, writing or song. You love beauty and
creativity, and usually are highly intelligent.
Others view you as mysterious and dreamy, yet
also bold since you hold firm in your beliefs.
What Type of Soul Do You Have ?
brought to you by Quizilla
You are a heavenly being. Gentle and meek, but
powerful and wise. You help those around you
selflessly and can't bare to see people hurt.
Your greatest weakness is your tenderness, but
your greatest weapon is your love for others.
What Type Of Myth Race Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla
((Iff I could only let the guys I like in on that, then maybe a guy would actually like ME for once, ^_^))
You are The Fire Element
The Anime Element Personality Test
brought to you by Quizilla
((In Eliza's circle, I am air, but I know, deep in my heart, the flames are calling. I go by birth, not what she goes by. Sorry for all my coven mates, but I found myself as fire and solitary, and I am faithful to that))
Which Anime Opening Song in Japanese Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla
((I'm Fruba...Go figure ^_^ I love Kyo!!))
Lucifer: Angel of the starlight, you are often
confused with being evil in your quiet
contemplations... Underneath it all you are
actually the most beautiful angel of all, and
God likes u more... the others are just
jealous. What do they know anyways.
Which Angel Lays Within You?
brought to you by Quizilla
((I get more depressed as I take these quizes, lol, maybe I should stop...))
You have an entrancing kiss~ the kind that leaves
your partner bedazzled and maybe even feeling
he/she is dreaming. Quite effective; the kiss
that never lessens and always blows your
partner away like the first time.
What kind of kiss are you?
brought to you by Quizilla
((To all you guys out their ^_~))
hug from behind - you like to feel what the other
person is feeling and see things how they see
them. you tend to be serious and emotional.
What Sign of Affection Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla
((Awww...isn't that picture cute^^))
You are the pierced princess
Which Ultimate Beautiful Woman are You?
brought to you by Quizilla
((I actually got a few answers to this one, this was the only one I was happy with...The others were...to depressing...))
I think thats enough for tongiht...I'm going to go mope, heh...Love and Hate, Its all the same...
Tuesday, November 25, 2003
09:03 p.m.
I wrote an e-mail...To Grant. I made a pact with Cori and Callie. Callie stops snogging Matt, Cori stops doing drugs, and I tell Grant how I feel and get over him. I sent him an e-mail. I haven't gotten a response. I'm incredibly scared. I figure...I gave him my word, and I gave him my heart...If he still chooses Mikala, I have done all I can do, and he isn't worth it if he does. I'll cry though...I just know it. I expect nothing positive out of this. I've never been so frightened in my life...Grant, I hope your reading this..please...Talk to me...
Monday, November 24, 2003
05:30 p.m.
I'm better...I think. I still feel a huge hole in the pit of my stomach. I just want a god damn date to the chrismas dance. Is that to much to ask for?! I am wishing that a guy likes me, and will come up and ask me. I want to go! I mean...I actually want to dance with someone for once in my life...Someone I can care about and cares about me. I know...thats to much to ask. I want Grant to talk to me. He won't, and I really need to say something. I don't care about him and Mikala anymore. I want to tell him whats going on in my head, and how I think. I was concidering giving him this link...he could read everything for himself. I'm still considering...I dunno yet...It would make it easier. (If your reading this now Grant, it means I either got up the courage, or one of my friends gave it to you) I started crying in thrid hour today. I wrote a note to Callie, saying how fucked up the world is, and how men should burn in their idol hell's for what they do to women. Jeremy was wondering what was wrong. I just told him I lost my date to Chrismas dance, and left it at that. I still feel like crying, but I think I've cried all I can. I hate crying, it makes me feel foolish. I hate it when people put a huge deal into it when someone crys. I can still remember what Mackenzie told to Sydney. "I wish I could be your tears, so I could be born from your beautiful eyes, and stroll down your soft cheeks to your lips." I wish I were tears...
Sunday, November 23, 2003
10:10 p.m.
My happiness never lasts. It might as well not exist. For when I have it, I feel like nothing can take it away, and when I lose it...It just fucking hurts. I can't take it anymore. I had a date to chrismas dance. Or might of. But Cori's asking him out. "She had him first..." I know, I don't really care. I thought I was over Grant and I was happy. I had done some thinking, because I couldn't get my head straight. I thought I had it! I wasn't over Grant, and I knew it...I just had to be with someone else to help me get over him. I met Vlad, and I completly forgot about Grant for a second. Can you believe I actually thought I stood a chance? I want to die. I want to crawl into my corner, and cry until I can't feel anything anymore. Fuck, and now Richie won't even answer my petty IMs. Fuck it...Fuck it all! Please please...I want peace. Grant, get out of my fucking head...I can't take it anymore! I just want him to leave my life. It's impossible...I couldn't even sneak out of the god damn house without having a little remorse when I thought about him. What the hell did he do that all the other guys of my past didn't? He's just a man...a fucking man like all the rest, nothing more. Then why do I feel like killing myself because he's snogging Mikala!? Why the hell do men always go for the girls who can't treat them for all their worth? If your male, and your reading this, you suck and I hate you. They need a fucking rehab for women who fall in love. The first step is admiting you have a problem. Well, Grant, I hope your reading this...My name is Laurie...AND I'M IN LOVE WITH YOU...THAT'S MY FUCKING PROBLEM!! You can pull the trigger now...
Wednesday, November 19, 2003
06:47 p.m.
Vert The` n'est pas sympatique. For you Non-Frenchies out there, that means "Green Tea is a jerk" "Green Tea" is Grant...It's the nickname Kelly and I gave him. He's not really a jerk. He was actually rather nice to me today. But I call him that because I'm getting over him. I want free of all of it...the craziness...the chaos and insanity that comes with realationships and everything else. Fuck high school. Fuck it all...I don't care anymore. I wish he would get out of my head...leave me alone! I want to scream it to the Gods...I want to tell him...To get off my back, out of my head. I want to be his friend, sure...I mean, who else can I talk to about philosophy. I mean...I guess thats why I liked him. He seemed the only one to really listen to my views. ::Shakes her head and rips out her hair:: I have to stop thinking about him! I want to know...what he thinks of me...what impression I give of myself. He took Mikala home today...He said "He wanted to take her home" (According to her) I was wondering about that. I love Mikala...We talked and goofed around. I dunno...secretly, I guess I was hoping he wanted to take her home to tell her he was in love with someone else. Ha! It's funny actually. I think way to much like a movie...
Monday, November 17, 2003
03:21 p.m.
Fourth hour band SUCKS! I swear to the Goddess, I hate it. Our beginning band sounded better then we do. I may be first chair, but it means nothing if the rest of the band sucks. The only good part is all the Jazz band members have first lunch, so I see Grant ^_^ But uhh! Algebra sucks, so does Bio...And PE...don't even get me started. I will never survive. One good thing came out of this day! SIERRA BROKE UP WITH KYLE!! I'm so happy. Yay! Now the manipulitive bastard has no control over my friend! Gotta go...Homework and all...
Sunday, November 16, 2003
10:08 p.m.
I just saw "The Ring"...I'm gonna die in 7 days. Good friggin' riddence. I'm debating whether I want to go back to the more "Gothic" look. Not to far, just poetic gothy or something. I think I'll try it out next weekend or something...Maybe when I'm hanging out with Tagiao. Well...my look at the moment is fine, I just dunno anymore. I'm beginningto wonder. I think Grant hates me...If anything, I'll never have any chance with him. Christians tend to hate me. Megan is an exception...But she's different...I don't want to "be" with Megan. I want to be with Grant. I've got it bad this time. I see poetry in his eyes waiting to be written, but when I try, I can't...My words are to demeaning and draw away from what he truly deserves. He's happy with Mikala...I really want him to be happy...I do! But, I just wish I could be his happiness. Bleh...stupid CLAMP words. I swear...it's Anime that led me to be such a hopeless romantic. Lol...I dunno anymore...My mind is scrambled...
Saturday, November 15, 2003
03:43 p.m.
I just got back from Sierra's. I spent the night, so did Tamaki and Ashley. Ashley and Tamaki are back together. My mouth hurts like hell. When my dad came to get me, we were watching Sailor Moon. I was having a good time, and then daddy dear ruined it. I'm planning on going on Anime Castle to find some Anime. Yesterday I met CJ from Jenni...We all went out to Steak and Shake (Me, Jenni, CJ, Sierra, and Leslie) He watchs Anime and is a gamer. Whoo! LoL, nah, I'm not serious. I have Sierra back, whoo hoo, whoo hoo...Yippee!!
Thursday, November 13, 2003
03:26 p.m.
I just got home from school. I'm so pissed off! I made fifth hour! Last chair, but I still made it. Out of the 200 something kids in the band, 25 had scheduling problems. Originally they had fifth or synphonic, but they had to go into fourth instead. Guess what? I'm one of the "lucky" 25. I'm first chair fourth hour. Its not friggin' fair. But hey...since I'm first chair, I get all the solos. That makes me happy. It means I'm the best out of those who suck...I think that means I suck. But I figure, if I didn't have braces, and I could play the octaves instead of having to go down octives, I would have gotten higher up in fifth. Even so, I'd still be in fourth, but I would feel better about myself. I gotta jet...Ortho app. Later...
Wednesday, November 12, 2003
10:40 p.m.
I'm in a much better mood since my previous posting, thanks to some food and games of pool. As of now, I'm taking a break from studying for finals. I have my necklace chain laced with lavender oil, to help promote my memory during finals. I should probably start on Of Mice and Men, but I have my Bio final and my French final to worry about. I'm talk to Jake, Grant, Richie, and Matt right now. Grant's been acting wierd...I dunno...Maybe its just me. Mikala says she notices it to, but then again, that was awhile ago, and things change. Like Callie said, maybe it was just a male case of PMS. Richie and I are discussing Eliza's crazy driving, lol, and Jake and I are just goofing around as always. As you can probably tell, this is a procrastination to me not wanting to study. But I should probably get my arse in gear...I'll tell you of Finals tomarrow...Sweet dreams to all who read.
Wednesday, November 12, 2003
06:03 p.m.
I just found out the band audition results. Adam got first, I'm proud of him. Grant got second...In my opinion, it should be Grant first and Adam second, but this is Adam's senior year, so I am very happy he got first his last year. I, on the other hand, did terribly. Kelly got higher then me...Kelly! I work harder, I actually practice, and she gets higher then me! She doesn't even care about the results! She's basically quiting next year to be in the Whore-Core. I've been crying ever since the results were posted. I worked all night on my auditions. I can't do anything but cry...I even watched an episode of Will & Grace to cheer me up, and I couldn't even laugh once. I also asked Mrs. Gumm-Hales about my Romeo and Juliet speech. She said she liked my ideas, and that I had really good ideas...She said that I need to focus on one idea and wrap it all together and that way my ideas can really get across. She said people respect and admire me. I looked at her like she was crazy...I don't even respect or admire myself, and I don't expect anyone else to. She laughed, and told me that one of her "Older band students" came in and saw my collage for R&J, and instantly said "That has to be Laurie's". She also told me that one of her freshman girls says she likes the energy I have for my ideas and learning and what not. But she still said I need to work on the way my ideas come out. So I got a B on a project that I had stayed up all night doing, and was proud of. I would like to know who guessed it was my collage...I'm assuming Grant, but thats because as far as I know, he's the only "Older band student" that knows me well enough. Or maybe I just give that weirdo impression on people. Oh well, I don't really care. I'm wishing Jake would come on...It'd be nice to talk to him. After everything we talked about with Sierra last night, she e-mailed Kyle asking if they could work something out. Evidently they did...they were holding hands in the hallway...Kyle will only manipulate her again. She was back to her old self last night, even my mom noticed...when we were playing pool...I was so happy I had my friend back, my thoughts clouded up, and I totally forgot about the e-mail. Goddess, everything in my life is so fucked up. I swear, I have nothing left. I don't even have the simple comfort of writing anymore...everytime I try, It never seems enough and I get frustrated. I work so much harder then these people, and I put so much into what I do, and then they end up on top, and me lowly. I;m really beginning to believe my dad is right, and I'll amount to nothing. Well, I'm going to go now...I have finals to study for...maybe I can at least have my grades going for me...
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Tagiao
Tamaki
Ayato
Shay
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